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09 March 2009 @ 09:47 am
if i were you id call back at a different time  

everything happens for a reason right?
i mean everybody and  everything is ultimatly building toward an end.
its just how you  use  your little but neglectful time on this place.
but then again in a million  years is anyone goin to remeber what your gpa 
was or how many kids you had? no prolly not so fuck it. right? a year ago  
i was a completly 100% different from the man who sits her today slappin
his calasis hands in a fury that only compares to the autisitic rage that one
may aquire from  putting the wrong shape in its designated hole.
now that i have found my catalyst  my family.
things seem harder theres more pressure 
if i fuck up my life before id be content  with dying in an allyway.
but now im apart of something bigger than myself.
and it constantly fells like i fall short of whats expected of me i try and try and still im an asshole. 
all i want out of life is to be able to provide for my family and give them everything they could ever want out of life.
it seems like ill never be the perfect man.
but i want to be more than anything



im sorry.
i love you.
 
 
Current Music: modest mouse
 
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07 July 2008 @ 01:22 am
pulling farther and farther away  



still searching for a catalyst. 
so much has change since my last post.
my last post was about adam dying 
now scotty d died december 2nd
for real one of the hardest things to cope with.
it still hasnt registered in my head that its even real.
dont even want to really get into it.
it still sucks pretty bad.
i will always love you man.



ive moved out to grand blanc and now back in holly only to move 
again. shits pretty nuts, working all the time.



i just want to float away, 
come join me in the clouds.
they dont need us here anyway.





 
 
 
Current Location: my mind
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: brand new and shit
 
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08 June 2007 @ 03:37 am
It doesnt feel real...  





well today i get a call around ten in the morning from my brother..sayin
"adam died this morning in a car accident and james waller is in a coma and is goin to die, mike craig is in critical condition"

i just saw adam yesterday, and last week hung out with him for a few. 
his hoodie is in my basement right now. adam was tight as fuck. we had
intergrated math 3 it was full of screw offs and retards. it was a fucking lame ass
class with lame ass people in it. the only people i talked to was powell and greg.
we just talked about fighting and beer and drugs. 

mike craig, me and u have been threw a fucking lot. when i first moved here. you 
were there. man. me and u had intergrated 2 together that class was tight as fuck man
all we did was talk shit about people. if you would of died i trully would of lost it. i love you
man and your always welcome in my house. my family misses you. when u get out we got to 
start chillin more again. 

james, honestly i dont know you at all. i know your brother and i feel for him. if i ever lost or came close to loosing 
my litte brother. my world would be fucked. my prays are with your family and you. 


this doesnt seem real at all.
adam we blazed one for you man.
me betts and josh.

and the first time i meet you u wanted to fight josh.
damn man.


someone wake me up...






 
 
Current Location: home
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: brand new
 
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01 June 2007 @ 12:44 am
i want to skateboard.  

I really wish i was skateboarding right now. Pistons lost it was
a way intense game i kinda wish Lebron James would break 
both his legs. We need to win the next game.
 
 
Current Location: chair
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: The Faceless
 
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31 May 2007 @ 04:52 pm
i love how different i am now then how was before in my previous posts  


i just bitched about stupid shit and girls and relationships that never mattered hahaha. 
wow it feels good to not give a fuck anymore.

i was dumb. its not like i was goin to marry any of them. 
damn.



i love being older and having a better understanding on life and its suttle situations that can easily be blow out of proportion.

 
 
Current Location: home
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Bury Your Dead.
 
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30 May 2007 @ 02:59 am
im loosing my mind....and im content.  


lately life is based on consuming. products, music, clothing styles. catalysts are missing from the big picture its never up to anyone when to change its the circumstances that make the person want to change if you could just sit on your ass and watcht tv all day and make millions i guarantee you wouldnt pass up that offer. people claim to superior to others when in retrospect there pieces of shit just like you and me. 
there no different because of there cars or money. they still bitch and moan like the rest of us. usually more. alot of people need to kill themselves asap. the president for one. and im sick of wanting to be in love and have someone there for me. its bullshit. things never work out they way i invision them, ever. and probally never will. you are a tease and a confusing one at that. honestly i have no idea why im attracted to people anymore. really i kinda just want to say fuck it. and off myself.hahaha jk.  but i wont cause honestly i love myself way to much to ever do that. cause when it comes down to it there is no one i love more than me. so im doin it on the down low. with smoking a pack a day and drinking way to much. i honestly dont care. life doesnt work out how you plan it. every kid in high school is filled up to the brim with t.v. bullshit that there goin somewhere and there the future. when reality is there more than likely goin to be pumping your gas or dying for your freedoms. i honestly dont know where im goin, and right now im really not fine with it. at all. i want to be a pyschologist but it feels like im turning my back on music. which is the true path i want to follow. and no i dont want to be in some fucking lame ass band. i want to produce and record music. ever since eight grade ive kinda hated people and god. im learning to embrace god and have an even stronger hate towards people. why? cause there fucking dumb. they all follow the motions and have no originality they just consume consume oh and fuck...and keep contributing to the already over populated race of autistic americans. which sadly one of them got in office.  this is all random as fuck... everything that is on here is on here cause it poped into my head as i was typing it..

 

so if you dont understand half of it..dont worry about it cause either do I.

 

 

oh and fuck insombia.. its lame.

 
 
Current Location: home
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: death cab.
 
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08 May 2006 @ 11:08 pm
Shit shit.......the story of my fucking life....  

well its been a while.....well me and the gf..broke up like a month ago..she fucked up and killed me....and i can honestly say ill never recover from it...no one has ever done something so mean to me in my life..and i would of never expect it from her the girl that clamed she loved me....but i dont know...spring break was tight...i was drunk for seven days straight....mainly cuz being drunk u dont think about putting a gun to your head...and thats all i wanted to do the last month..but things are turning around..i guess....we some what worked things out...ill never be able to forgive her but ill try to forget it...but she asked me out on saturday...after prom which was tight by the way...i wore all white...and of course i said yes i mean even though she did the worst thing ever to me....i still love her more than i have ever loved anyone.....and i want to be with her.....so i dont know whats goin on...i love her so much...i just wish she felt the same but now i dont know whats goin on she talks like how she used to in the beging when we just started dating.....well im goin to go smoke a cigarette...

i love you alyssa rae......5-6-06......


i love you all especially to everyone who was there for me when i needed them.....my friends are the best...

lance.
alec.
Sparks.
Bre.
amanda.
Cecil.
Aarron.
i love you all...but alyssa the most....sry.
 
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31 March 2006 @ 04:09 pm
damn well i hate livejournal  

well alot has changed since my last post like me and my 
gf have been goin out for almost 5 months...and i couldnt be happier i love her.
i hope that we can make it....
 
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22 November 2005 @ 05:03 pm
Another one bites the dust  
well alot has happened since my last post......like me and ashley went back out and then i ended it finally cuz honestly it wasn't working out and we both knew i just had the balls to end it....she shy's away when a problem presents itself and me on the other hand wants to work it out and move on...so thats what i did worked it out and moved on...to better things.....were i found someone who wants to be in relationship with me and who i want to be in with her.....i love this girl with all my heart and she means the world to me.....i honestly mean every word of that no matter what she chooses to believe... i do......weve been dating for a whole week now...and its great.....and the funny thing is today would of been mine and ashleys second one month....yah i think its pretty damn funny.....oh i went to the alexisonfire show on friday with idiot pilot....it was a great show i moshed and hardcore danced and got hit in the nose.. but overall it was great.......and iam finally fucking updating this but i don't know when the next one will be cuz myspace is a hard thing to quit...but no fucking way am i quiting it..i ll just switch back and fourth......one more thing

i love you alyssa Rae Haslip...<3
 
 
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: The number Twelve Looks like You - Like a Cat
 
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10 July 2005 @ 10:49 pm
Camp is for liars and the broken hearted.....  

I haven't posted lately, alot has happened i have a girlfriend ashley degrouchey who i really care for and thought she cared for me too but lately i wonder. but this week i went to see her at camp which i drove 400 miles to get ditched it was fun in the morning saturday when we went to wal mart. but i think the only reason she was around me so much was because there wasn't anyone from staff that she wanted to hang with there. after that the trip went to hell. she ditched me like ten times to hang out with staff that she hasn't seen in like maybe a day when i haven't seen her for three weeks. then when she left me this one time i followed her out of the kitchen to find her and like five girls givin this kid a lap dance for his birthday which didn't bother me to much cuz she was only behind him with her arms around him but if she didn't think it was wrong how come when i saw her and she saw me she immediatly stopped and ran over to me and said in some fucking little kid sorry voice "Iam sorry i forgot you where Here" which wasn't the last time she would say that she was sorry for forgetting me. i can understand that its her job and she had to be with the campers but that was only sunday and there where no campers saturday and she still decided there where better people to hang out with..and i just found out sharne still likes me and i used to like her alot this past year and i think i still do a little bit..if she(ashley) says she loves me she could of showed this past weekend. some of my friends say this is grounds for a breakup and i kinda agree but i want to talk to her first.
 
 
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie -Tiny Vessels
 
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27 February 2005 @ 11:12 pm
Catching up.......I guess  

This weekend was sweet.. i saw alot of people i didn't see in a long time. i went to my old church which was pretty cool got to see nick keebaugh and megan sommerville. Their both still really cool and the weird thing about it me and megan went of for like a year and some odd months and were better friends now. But it sucked cuz i didn't get to go to the sr. high service which is later on in the day. But iam goin back to livionia next week and gonna spend the night at nicks house and megan said she is proabaly goin to great lakes mall where i work on saturday so that would be cool if i saw her. {Peace}
 
 
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Taking Back Sunday - Your so last Summer
 
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11 January 2005 @ 07:37 pm
Does everyone just hate finals?  

I hate finals so much basically its just a test to see how much of the shit that most of you at least all my friends have been sleeping or talking through. So i don't have very high expectations, but the one up side to finals is that we have half days from wensday to friday and no school monday. And i have OTC so i have a half half day on thursday and no school on friday. So that basically means i will be at mt. holly the whole damn week if shit works out. So today all i did was skate in my garage on my rail and kickflip back tail's arn't as hard as they look. Is it just me or are these journal things get more popular or are more people lacking an outlet.
 
 
Current Mood: jealous
Current Music: Jet black New Year - Thursday
 
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04 January 2005 @ 11:15 pm
When did i stop caring about doin work  

Iam supposed to be doin homework but who gives a shit. And i think 
i might have ADD cause i can't concentrate to save my ass. school is 
so fun if there was no homework it just takes up so much time. well 
today was fun didn't really do anything except skate in my garage 
and sleep. i think iam goin to go to mt. holly tomorrow people keep 
bitchin at me to go. but niggas be broke these days.
 
 
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Thank you for the venom - My Chemical Romance
 
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04 January 2005 @ 12:05 am
Feeling the same as last year  

The years seem not to change as much as you get older. Like 
in my head it still feels the same as in did in 2000 when i was 
in 6th grade. But the last year went out in a bang defiently the 
best year i have had in a long ass time from movin twice in 
the last two years. And damn was the weekend fun, friday i 
skateboard at fuel which was a real release since its been 
colder than shit for the last two months and on friday it 
seemed like god shined down and warmed up holly and it 
was 55 degrees and dry so i skateboard into the early 
hours of saturday. and it was fun except i ate shit harder 
than i had ever in like three years and chris spent the night
 and we just fucked around til like 6 in the morning and 
then i had to go to my dads at like 11 so i was so fucking
 tired but not to bad. when i got to my dads i called up jesse
 and we went to the barn and wrote a new song for our band 
which is badass by the way. and then around 10 went to a party 
and met up with chad and donald at this kid jason's house
 which was so fun. kareoke was fun as shit to bad my fat cousin 
had to ruin it but i won't go into detail. and then sunday went to 
the mall with jesse and went home and then school on monday
 which sucked cause mondays just suck in general. 
well any way peace out nigga
 
 
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Tiny vessels
 
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